At the moment, I'm just chillin. And thinking about and being thankful about how awesome all of my friends are. That's all cool and all but, "Rachel," you ask "isn't today the last day of fall break, and don't classes start again tomorrow?" Why yes, you're absolutely right.
I was heading back from a lovely and refreshing trip to WS. I got to see some close friends, record music, worship, play games, eat venison pot roast, go hiking, visit Asheville, quality time with my bff, drive along the blue ridge parkway with the beautiful changing fall leaves... Basically, it really couldn't have been a better break.
I leave this morning for my drive back to Memphis. Well, after about 6/7ish hours of driving I gas up at Lebanon, TN. Earlier that afternoon, I had a random kick while driving. I wrote it off as it was not repeated.
Well, as I'm driving away from Lebanon on I-40 (at 3.2 miles to be precise), I get some more light hearted kicks. And then, wha-wha, my RPMs all of a sudden drop. And, I's got no juice.
I start slowing down from my 70 mph on the highway with cars zipping all around me. I go to neutral and back to drive and still nothin. I immediately change lanes (with my quickly diminishing momentum it's hard to do safely).
I try turning off my car and trying starting it again. It's trying but nothing's catching. Great.
I pop the hood and, oh goody, a baby cloud of black smoke arises. My favorite. My mechanically uneducated understanding has no idea what the heck is wrong. I thought the problem might be a belt issue as the smoke was coming from the vicinity of a belt... but let's be honest. I'm pretty sure I made that up cause I have no idea what I'm talking about.
I quickly get in my car and start praying. Not so much "God, fix this."But more of "God, you have a plan. You hear my prayer and you're aware of what's going on. Help me to give thanks in all things. And, oh yeah, help me deal with this situation." Which honestly surprised even myself. Mostly because if this had happened even earlier today, I'm not sure if I would have been in a place where I could/be able to do that.
A morning of meditating on memory verses and praying while driving is the only reason I was/am able to respond to this in the way that I did. My intentionality of intimacy with God this morning determined whether or not I responded in a way that showed trust in God.
My car still didn't turn on after I prayed. I called AAA. My membership was overdue. So, before they could help me I had to pay the annual dues. An hour later, the tow truck finally came to tow me to Nashville- the guy was super nice and friendly (a plus for a lone traveler). He took me to the first place AAA suggested which looked super sketch. It was closed for the night anyway. I called again and asked for another garage/auto repair address. We arrived 3 minutes before they closed. Just in time to fill out paperwork and have it ready to look at first thing in the morning. With violin, gig bag, and overnight bag in tow I wander to the 24 hr McDonalds as I plot my next move. Commence try to find a place to stay Telethon 2013...
Yesterday, while traveling to Asheville my phone died. At the time, I told myself, I really need to be more careful about that and not have that happen again. Today, I'm extremely thankful that I had full batteries with all of my electronics. And, that McDonalds has free wi-fi.
To be honest, it was at this point where I started panicking. It was not that I just had my car break down on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere and am now stranded in a unfamiliar city. Psh, that's old news... Instead it was the ever present reminder that I'm dirt poor right now. I'm trying hard to be financially independent. And there's the definite probability that I won't be able to pay for this without asking for my parents help. And because I equate financial independence with adulthood and responsible maturity, the idea of having to ask for financial help is basically saying: I've failed.
This past summer I've "gotten over myself" with asking for places to stay (even for long periods of time) and being able to ask for, much less accept, people's generosity. Heck I've even been getting over caring so much about looking stupid. But, coming to terms with failing to fit my self imposed image of responsibility?
Such as... the possibility of needing to ask for money from someone (even your parents)...
I think all of it goes down to this conception that true wisdom and maturity "must" mean you will be prepared for any and all unexpected disasters, whenever they hit. But, I don't think that's right. I have an inkling that wisdom and maturity have a whole lot more to do with how you respond to stressful and unexpected situations. And somehow, I think I was showing more maturity sitting on the side of the interstate praying than I was sitting in McDonalds freaking out. But, I could be wrong...
I guess this post really isn't finished in that this "problem" of my car isn't exactly fixed. But, at the moment I realize there's not much I can do beyond what I'm doing now.
Praying and trusting. And get back to keep trying to do that whole thing of being a grad student and an adult at the same time.
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| Wish I could have stayed in NC longer |
