My first thing that I'm thankful for: Health. This is the first Thanksgiving in about 4 years that I've not been dreadfully sick. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I'm in a pretty good place environmentally, physically, mentally, and emotionally. My stress level, with the exception of a few times this semester, has been almost below the radar. It's been amazing.
I'm thankful for new beginnings. I'm thankful for my family; A good school that's a good fit for me; A good teacher; A good and wonderful instrument; A good bow to go along with it; A good roommate; Old friends; Some great new friends; and a God that I can always run to.
I had my first Thanksgiving away from my family this year. Oddly enough, this year my parents decided to have our first family gathering since I can almost remember. They drove out to Colorado to visit with my Aunt and cousins. Since it’s pretty far away I decided to stay here. It would be expensive, stressful, and school continues on Monday not really leaving a whole lot of visiting time anyway. So instead my friend Charles was having a few people over and I went over to his house. Apart from Charles’ roasted duck, it was a Vegan and Lactose-Free dinner. It was pretty fun, I’d never had a tofurky before much less mashed potatoes made with soy milk. It was good though, and I probably benefited from the lactose free angle. I’ve recently decided/discovered that I’m probably lactose intolerant. Which this explains a lot of my stomach/digestion problems I’ve been having for….seems like forever.
Since I wasn’t coming home, Dad sent me Boudin sourdough breadbowls on Wednesday. I shared them with Kate and Logan, they were very appreciative of the good meal.
Thought I might list a few of my Thanksgiving break accomplishments, since there are soooo many. Thrift store shopping: scored a nice black wool coat for $10; Breadbowl dining experience #1 with Kate. Chuckathon with Kate. Fretwork listening marathon with Oliver. 4:45 am wake-up call on Thanksgiving to drive Kate to Airport. Drive in redic-thick fog. Go to uber sketch Compare Foods, while fearing for my life, to buy last minute green beans, almonds, and cranberry sauce (What people will do for holiday food); Supper at Charle’s place sitting on loveseat with pillows as booster at cardtable; Ate copious amounts of food; Walmart wine adventure. Group movie of Lemony Snickets. Finish Seinfeld disk 2; Sleep 14 hours. It was wonderful. Simply wonderful.
Yesterday, I dyed my hair. It did not go as planned. Now the bottom half of my hair is red. I will re-dye it tomorrow. Yes. This cannot be seen in school. Must fix this.
Today I went to Lowes to finally fix my clogged bathtub drain. I didn’t shower before going because the clog was so bad. Sporting one of my OU t-shirts I go into Lowes looking for needle nose pliers and some good-ole draino. Totally made my day in a weird sort of way, but someone asked me for help thinking I worked there. Sorry, no. I don’t work at Lowes. But thought it was hilarious none the less. Got home and totally fixed my drain. I am awesome AND self-sufficient. *Double punch-POW* I feel extremely productive. Well, as soon as my draino sufficiently drains away I will take my much needed shower and then go put my productivity to use in the musical arena. I hear that I might actually have a lesson tomorrow. It would be a sad day indeed if I go in like sounding like I do now. Should get on that improvement thing. Sounding good is ALWAYS preferable. Sounding like crap ALWAYS to be avoided. And just found out, apparently I have a lesson tomorrow. Yeah. I think it’s time for my shower now.
So basically ends my wonderful North Carolina Thanksgiving Break. Did I mention I love trimesters?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Different Mindset
So I just got back from church and they had an awesome message today. It was good because I felt like it could be directly applied to my life, right now.
Last year was down right terrible. This year is going great. However, It's far too easy to simplify these outcomes with the assumption that it has anything to do with me. Let me digress a little. Last year was not a year surrounded by things, thinking, behaviors that I want to continue to surround myself with. Along with that statement, it's far too easy to evaluate my external behaviours and say that "I strayed away from God". Concluding: I didn't do the things I should have done, and that is why I had a shitty year. My year is going much better, and that is because I'm doing the right things, i.e. the things God wants me to do.
We've been discussing in my Foundations/Religion class how everyone suffers evil. It's completely unavoidable. A no-brainer right? Well, not necessarily. In class we discussed the differing viewpoints from some of the major worldview religions regarding how suffering and even rewards are dettermined. I realize now that I had only a knowledgeable understanding of this. It made sense in my head, but when applying it to my life, I wasn't using the same logic and reasoning. I know that my salvation is not works based, it is salvation by faith. And how, consequently, there is nothing I can do to escape suffering. Good works will not save me, Job is an excellent example. Jumping to the New Testament, we see how the "poor woman in the temple" did not receive any apparent blessings by her good works.
I tithed for the first time since I can remember. I really can't remember the last time I tithed. It's always been rough for our family to do it, and I wanted to make the commitment to start doing it in my life. I'll admit there was also the thought process of "I am poor. My family is having a hard time with money too. I will give my 10% to God, and God will take care of me." Maybe it wasn't that self-serving when I initially thought about it, but really that's what it came down to. It's all about the thought process, the mindset. If I do it thinking something good will come of it for me, that's the wrong reason. It's all about the motives, the reasons. I shouldn't give because I know it will help me, I should give because it will help someone else. I know every kindergartner in Sunday School goes through this lesson, but it's funny how we still need to learn the same lessons as we get older. They're the same lessons, but different applications.
I really liked the last hymn they did in service today, "How Firm a Foundation"
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand."
“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress."
“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."
“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”
Particularly verses 2 and 3. The sermon addressed the fact that God is always with us. The Bible specifically left out emotions in that statment. You will feel God with you always. No, that's not it. Sometimes you will feel God with you, sometimes you won't. But that doesn't take away from the fact that God is there. Always. That really brought the whole experience home today. I messed up alot last year. A good deal of the time, I felt alone. But that doesn't mean I was. God was there the entire time, just like he is now. I can feel his presence now, but it's the good times that I need to remember for the times when I forget what I know to be true.
I never understood the saying "Can't see the forrest for the trees" until this year. I think people my know what it means, but I don't think they really understand it until they experience it. Now, it's one of my favorite sayings, because I know instances like that in my life. Last year I was lost in the trees. And everyday now, I can look behind me and see more and more of where I came from and where I am now.
Last year was down right terrible. This year is going great. However, It's far too easy to simplify these outcomes with the assumption that it has anything to do with me. Let me digress a little. Last year was not a year surrounded by things, thinking, behaviors that I want to continue to surround myself with. Along with that statement, it's far too easy to evaluate my external behaviours and say that "I strayed away from God". Concluding: I didn't do the things I should have done, and that is why I had a shitty year. My year is going much better, and that is because I'm doing the right things, i.e. the things God wants me to do.
We've been discussing in my Foundations/Religion class how everyone suffers evil. It's completely unavoidable. A no-brainer right? Well, not necessarily. In class we discussed the differing viewpoints from some of the major worldview religions regarding how suffering and even rewards are dettermined. I realize now that I had only a knowledgeable understanding of this. It made sense in my head, but when applying it to my life, I wasn't using the same logic and reasoning. I know that my salvation is not works based, it is salvation by faith. And how, consequently, there is nothing I can do to escape suffering. Good works will not save me, Job is an excellent example. Jumping to the New Testament, we see how the "poor woman in the temple" did not receive any apparent blessings by her good works.
I tithed for the first time since I can remember. I really can't remember the last time I tithed. It's always been rough for our family to do it, and I wanted to make the commitment to start doing it in my life. I'll admit there was also the thought process of "I am poor. My family is having a hard time with money too. I will give my 10% to God, and God will take care of me." Maybe it wasn't that self-serving when I initially thought about it, but really that's what it came down to. It's all about the thought process, the mindset. If I do it thinking something good will come of it for me, that's the wrong reason. It's all about the motives, the reasons. I shouldn't give because I know it will help me, I should give because it will help someone else. I know every kindergartner in Sunday School goes through this lesson, but it's funny how we still need to learn the same lessons as we get older. They're the same lessons, but different applications.
I really liked the last hymn they did in service today, "How Firm a Foundation"
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand."
“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress."
“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."
“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”
Particularly verses 2 and 3. The sermon addressed the fact that God is always with us. The Bible specifically left out emotions in that statment. You will feel God with you always. No, that's not it. Sometimes you will feel God with you, sometimes you won't. But that doesn't take away from the fact that God is there. Always. That really brought the whole experience home today. I messed up alot last year. A good deal of the time, I felt alone. But that doesn't mean I was. God was there the entire time, just like he is now. I can feel his presence now, but it's the good times that I need to remember for the times when I forget what I know to be true.
I never understood the saying "Can't see the forrest for the trees" until this year. I think people my know what it means, but I don't think they really understand it until they experience it. Now, it's one of my favorite sayings, because I know instances like that in my life. Last year I was lost in the trees. And everyday now, I can look behind me and see more and more of where I came from and where I am now.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Surround Yourself with Beauty
I was looking at a certain someone's Facebook page and I got flooded with past memories and...pains. I must have been on a dig-up-old-hurts adventure because I then went to look at some other painful old acquaintances' pages. Why? Who knows, the only reason I can come up with is to "see how they're doing"...which at the moment, seems rather pointless. They're exactly as I left them.
Something I came to light upon this summer revisited my thoughts: If you surround yourself with people who are in a place you want to be in, it can only help you get there yourself. In the past, I seemed to be surrounded by people who were lost spiritually, emotionally, and even vocationally. Most of them were filled with anger at themselves, life, God, and even others. Of course, it was near impossible to not be that way myself. Even though I did have a strong relationship with God, I began to drift away. I became angry at myself and those around me. That kind of attitude is extremely contagious. And among my circle of friends, we made sure we kept each other "well infected". But, that is in the past, and now is about surrounding myself with things I want to emulate.
Times in my new place is not easy, by any means. But, it does provide me with this seldom experienced "new chance". One of the biggest things I'm thankful for is a wonderful roommate. Having someone who wants the same things out of life and music is great. Having someone who's on the same level spiritually is even more wonderful. If nothing else, when we have our moments of "divine inspiration" we have someone to share it with. While such a simple thing, having someone listen to the things that are important to you, is very fulfilling.
While looking up old acquaintances might not be the best thing for me; as a sign of progress, I removed some memorabilia from my violin case that might be counter-productive in my letting go of the past. There's no point in holding on to something old and painful at the expense of grabbing onto what's the good that's right in front of you. I hope I can continue seeing the beauty around me and thanking God for my second chances.
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely.~unknown
Something I came to light upon this summer revisited my thoughts: If you surround yourself with people who are in a place you want to be in, it can only help you get there yourself. In the past, I seemed to be surrounded by people who were lost spiritually, emotionally, and even vocationally. Most of them were filled with anger at themselves, life, God, and even others. Of course, it was near impossible to not be that way myself. Even though I did have a strong relationship with God, I began to drift away. I became angry at myself and those around me. That kind of attitude is extremely contagious. And among my circle of friends, we made sure we kept each other "well infected". But, that is in the past, and now is about surrounding myself with things I want to emulate.
Times in my new place is not easy, by any means. But, it does provide me with this seldom experienced "new chance". One of the biggest things I'm thankful for is a wonderful roommate. Having someone who wants the same things out of life and music is great. Having someone who's on the same level spiritually is even more wonderful. If nothing else, when we have our moments of "divine inspiration" we have someone to share it with. While such a simple thing, having someone listen to the things that are important to you, is very fulfilling.
While looking up old acquaintances might not be the best thing for me; as a sign of progress, I removed some memorabilia from my violin case that might be counter-productive in my letting go of the past. There's no point in holding on to something old and painful at the expense of grabbing onto what's the good that's right in front of you. I hope I can continue seeing the beauty around me and thanking God for my second chances.
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely.~unknown
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